I am always thinking about adoption. Out of necessity, certainly, it comes to mind considering our family makeup. But also out of concern for the children available for adoption and those families built using adoption. So many topics within the subject are controversial. Even adoption itself is controversial. There are many who think adoption is wrong, even within the Christian community. They think that children are to be raised by biological parents, period. If that can't happen (as with "true" orphans), they need to stay within the extended family, but must never go outside the culture. In the Christian community there are those on the fringe who think that adoption invites generational sin into a family, from the biological family of the adopted child. Whatever side people are on, they are generally firmly set in their opinion.
What I have realized is that the institution of adoption is a necessary result of the fall of man in the Garden of Eden.
God, Himself, envisioned adoption. It was His plan for redemption for the fallen human race. We are told in Scripture that God "predestined us to be adopted as sons" from the beginning of time. Adoption is His idea. It is His way of bringing those who recognize that they need Him as a Father into His family. In adopting us, we are not second class citizens. We are co-heirs with Christ. Adoption is the beautiful way God chose to build His family.
It is also a beautiful way for us to build ours.
However, it is only because we are fallen as a result of sin in the garden that we need God to adopt us, and that children need to be adopted in order to have an earthly family. Think about it. Why are children available for adoption?
First, there are "true" orphans; those whose parents have died. Death entered the human picture with the fall in the garden. Until that time, death was not a part of the plan for Adam and Eve and their decendents.
Second, children are available to be adopted because a woman suffered rape or incest, resulting in the birth of a child they don't feel able to parent. Again, because of the fall of man.
Then, after that, we have a number of different reasons, some the same, some completely different in each situation. We have people who have biological children that they do not feel they can parent, and they decide to relinquish their parental rights to their child. The most common situation is when two unmarried people, in their lust, make a decision that results in an "unwanted" pregnancy. Yes, our sinful, fallen nature is at work. Many times, the mother is young, immature, not financially able to care for herself, let alone a child. A decision must be made about what will happen to that child. If abortion is not a choice (praise God when that happens), these people must decide what is best for them and the child.
Sometimes, a child becomes available for adoption after the child is older and has been through very difficult times in their family. The parents are determined to be unfit and the child is taken from them. Usually for neglect, abuse or other traumatic situations for the child. Oh, the fall of man is hard at work in these situations.
Then, there is the child available for adoption because an adoptive family determines that they, for a variety of reasons, can't parent this child. This is the most controversial. Sadly, these children are usually the product of past home lives so terrible that have caused them to become terrors to their new families. If you can't see the sin nature at work in this situation, you aren't being realistic.
As I consider each of these situations, I realize that there is no one way to view the relinquishment of children. There is no right or wrong answer that will work in every situation. No one can sit at a desk with the family's information and say relinquishment is sinful, or the right answer. Every relinquishment is different resulting from different circumstances.
I have known stories of the relinquishment of adoptive children that, were I in their shoes, I have a feeling I would make the same choice. Other situations, I am pretty sure are the result of selfishness. Thankfully, I am not their judge. It's too hard a job for anyone but Christ.
What I do know, is that there are relinquishments made by young, single women, that are good decisions; both for the child and the mother/father. There are also some that are made with complete selfishness. The mother or father is mature enough and financially able to accept the responsiblity for their choice that caused this child to be created. Their reasons for relinquishing are simply a lack of desire to give up dreams, or the financial resources that raising a child would bring. No choice is automatically right or wrong; the circumstances and the hearts of those involved are going to be judged by the only one able to make that call.
The same goes for relinquishment of adopted children. I know many think this is always wrong. I used to be one of those. But, I do know that if relinquishment can be the right choice for a biological child, that there are times that it is the right choice for an adopted child. We are products of a fallen world. Somewhere along the line, a poor decision was made, or parents died, and a child was left without a family. This fact alone leaves stereotyping out of the question. The scars of this may leave a child unable to be cared for by any but those capable of handling their particular needs. If newborns should be relinquished in certain situations to have their needs met, then certainly it can be true in the case of an adopted child.
Whether the adoptive parents relinquished with their own desires in mind (i.e. the desire for less trouble/difficulty, more peace or a more compliant child, etc), or the very real needs of the child to have a home where they can succeed and be cared for in a more complete way, is for them to know, and something for which they will be accountable to God. Not me.
The fact remains, though, that every single child deserves a home and family that loves them unconditionally, as God loves us. That was His plan for us in bringing us to His family, and that remains His plan for children here on earth. That is why He COMMANDS us to care for orphans. Yes, they deserve to be loved. They are treasures whether they are difficult, or not. They are each unique and special. They are a gift.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Monday, November 9, 2009
Wow, has it really been two years??!!!
Well, I can't imagine anyone is following this blog anymore, but I decided that, just in case someone still is, I should tell you how it is going.
We had our homecoming with Zach 2 years ago, on October 24, 2007. I simply can't believe the time has gone so quickly. Zach's transition has not been without its struggles, but I have to say that it has gone so much better than we ever hoped or dreamed it would.
To recap, he was in an orphanage for the first 4 1/2 years of his life. This was followed by 2 years in a less-than-ideal foster home and 1 1/2 years at a boarding school for 600-800 other orphans. The more we learn about the boarding school, the less we like what we are learning.
On paper, Zach should have had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). He was a prime candidate for it, having spent so much time at the beginning of his life in the orphanage. Not to mention that the boarding school was just another glorified orphanage. Sure, he was in a foster home, but it was not a good situation. We had very little to go on when we recognized that God was calling us to this precious little boy. His referral information came with 1 1/2 pages of mostly dry information, giving us little to use in making a decision. And, actually, as we found out later, it was somewhat fabricated, as well. But, that didn't deter us. We knew what the experts said about out-of-birth-order adoptions. We knew that most people would not adopt an older boy, especially when they had a younger girl at home. But, we also knew this is what God wanted for us and we chose to walk through the door God left open.
God had made it perfectly clear He wanted us to bring home this particular child, in a way that He hadn't done with the other children we were interested in adopting. In Zach's case we asked questions we didn't expect China to answer; we expected answers that would lead us away from him; we had people telling us not to consider him because he was already set in his culture, etc, etc. God took all these concerns and said they didn't matter. China answered us, with answers that brought us to Zach, rather than farther away; our concerns for an older child or out of birth order adoption were dismantled by godly counsel from godly friends; and, most importantly, God opened the door wide to bring him home.
With the other children we chose, God either closed the door by not allowing us to be matched with them, or He took it out of our ability to even request that we be considered to be their parent. One little boy in particular, was recently brought up by an aquaintance of mine accusatorily as proof that Steve and I were not willing to accept adopting a child with RAD. However, in this case, the phone call from our social worker telling us about their findings on his abuse was the same phone call that told us they were no longer the placing agency. They had moved responsibility for his placement to another agency better able to handle his situation. Our paperwork was with Bethany. God took it out of our ability to choose him. Choosing not to go out of your way to pursue adopting a particular child is not the same as saying "no" to adopting that child. As a matter of fact, we never had the opportunity to say "YES!" We simply didn't go out of our way to pursue him at extra expense and added paperwork. We were following God in each stage of our adoption. When He closed doors, we honored that. When He left them open, we obediently walked through. Again, on paper, Zach should have had RAD, yet we answered a joyful "YES" when God asked us to parent him.
I don't share all that to prove that we are better than anyone else. I simply don't want anyone to feel that I am championing the adoption of children we would not be willing to parent ourselves. Steve and I have always been willing to step out in faith and parent the children God chose for us, whomever that was or is yet to be. This is a calling for EVERYONE! If God is calling you to parent a child through adoption, you MUST say "yes." If you don't, quite simply, you are out of His will and walking in fear of His calling.
Despite all of this potential for major difficulties when he arrived home, he has shown no signs of RAD, and has adjusted beautifully. I don't know why God, in His wisdom, chose to keep us and Zach from dealing with RAD. I don't know why others who have adopted (and even those who have not!) have had to struggle, painfully, with this condition. That's not for me to understand. All I know is that, when you are faithful to God's calling He will be there with you in that calling. He will provide what you need to get through it. He will lead you to the help you need. He will provide the support and means to handle whatever comes with that calling. The calling to adopt is not one to shy away from, and not one of which we need to be fearful. The children are too precious for us to be afraid to give them the love they deserve.
Not everyone will experience such a relatively easy transition. By no means! But, just as there are no guarantees it will be easy, there are also no guarantees it will be difficult. Most adoptions fall somewhere in between. And, I should add -- MOST PARENTING EXPERIENCES, WHETHER ADOPTED OR BIOLOGICAL, will be somewhere in between the easy and the extremely difficult. There are no guarantees in parenting. Period.
The difficulties we are currently having with Zach stem from schooling. During his 8 years in China, where they assumed his cerebral palsy affected him cognitively, he was told over and over that he wasn't able to do things. We are still trying to work out what is truly difficult for him, and what is simply a believed difficulty for him. They are drastically different. I am not sure when we will have answers. Maybe not for years. But we will continue to work with him and his teachers to discover the truth.
His personality is so sweet. He is compassionate. He is helpful. We recently had one of his AWANA leaders share that Zach has come such a long way, spiritually, in the 2 years he has been here. This man had tears in his eyes as he shared that when they asked for someone to pray for the kids that were out sick, Zach volunteered and offered a prayer that was "like his mother" who has been a Christian her entire life. This is the most important part of parenting Zach. Whether we get answers on his academic abilities or not, we desire to raise a godly boy into a godly man. One whose character shines wherever he goes.
I think we are on the right track.
We had our homecoming with Zach 2 years ago, on October 24, 2007. I simply can't believe the time has gone so quickly. Zach's transition has not been without its struggles, but I have to say that it has gone so much better than we ever hoped or dreamed it would.
To recap, he was in an orphanage for the first 4 1/2 years of his life. This was followed by 2 years in a less-than-ideal foster home and 1 1/2 years at a boarding school for 600-800 other orphans. The more we learn about the boarding school, the less we like what we are learning.
On paper, Zach should have had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). He was a prime candidate for it, having spent so much time at the beginning of his life in the orphanage. Not to mention that the boarding school was just another glorified orphanage. Sure, he was in a foster home, but it was not a good situation. We had very little to go on when we recognized that God was calling us to this precious little boy. His referral information came with 1 1/2 pages of mostly dry information, giving us little to use in making a decision. And, actually, as we found out later, it was somewhat fabricated, as well. But, that didn't deter us. We knew what the experts said about out-of-birth-order adoptions. We knew that most people would not adopt an older boy, especially when they had a younger girl at home. But, we also knew this is what God wanted for us and we chose to walk through the door God left open.
God had made it perfectly clear He wanted us to bring home this particular child, in a way that He hadn't done with the other children we were interested in adopting. In Zach's case we asked questions we didn't expect China to answer; we expected answers that would lead us away from him; we had people telling us not to consider him because he was already set in his culture, etc, etc. God took all these concerns and said they didn't matter. China answered us, with answers that brought us to Zach, rather than farther away; our concerns for an older child or out of birth order adoption were dismantled by godly counsel from godly friends; and, most importantly, God opened the door wide to bring him home.
With the other children we chose, God either closed the door by not allowing us to be matched with them, or He took it out of our ability to even request that we be considered to be their parent. One little boy in particular, was recently brought up by an aquaintance of mine accusatorily as proof that Steve and I were not willing to accept adopting a child with RAD. However, in this case, the phone call from our social worker telling us about their findings on his abuse was the same phone call that told us they were no longer the placing agency. They had moved responsibility for his placement to another agency better able to handle his situation. Our paperwork was with Bethany. God took it out of our ability to choose him. Choosing not to go out of your way to pursue adopting a particular child is not the same as saying "no" to adopting that child. As a matter of fact, we never had the opportunity to say "YES!" We simply didn't go out of our way to pursue him at extra expense and added paperwork. We were following God in each stage of our adoption. When He closed doors, we honored that. When He left them open, we obediently walked through. Again, on paper, Zach should have had RAD, yet we answered a joyful "YES" when God asked us to parent him.
I don't share all that to prove that we are better than anyone else. I simply don't want anyone to feel that I am championing the adoption of children we would not be willing to parent ourselves. Steve and I have always been willing to step out in faith and parent the children God chose for us, whomever that was or is yet to be. This is a calling for EVERYONE! If God is calling you to parent a child through adoption, you MUST say "yes." If you don't, quite simply, you are out of His will and walking in fear of His calling.
Despite all of this potential for major difficulties when he arrived home, he has shown no signs of RAD, and has adjusted beautifully. I don't know why God, in His wisdom, chose to keep us and Zach from dealing with RAD. I don't know why others who have adopted (and even those who have not!) have had to struggle, painfully, with this condition. That's not for me to understand. All I know is that, when you are faithful to God's calling He will be there with you in that calling. He will provide what you need to get through it. He will lead you to the help you need. He will provide the support and means to handle whatever comes with that calling. The calling to adopt is not one to shy away from, and not one of which we need to be fearful. The children are too precious for us to be afraid to give them the love they deserve.
Not everyone will experience such a relatively easy transition. By no means! But, just as there are no guarantees it will be easy, there are also no guarantees it will be difficult. Most adoptions fall somewhere in between. And, I should add -- MOST PARENTING EXPERIENCES, WHETHER ADOPTED OR BIOLOGICAL, will be somewhere in between the easy and the extremely difficult. There are no guarantees in parenting. Period.
The difficulties we are currently having with Zach stem from schooling. During his 8 years in China, where they assumed his cerebral palsy affected him cognitively, he was told over and over that he wasn't able to do things. We are still trying to work out what is truly difficult for him, and what is simply a believed difficulty for him. They are drastically different. I am not sure when we will have answers. Maybe not for years. But we will continue to work with him and his teachers to discover the truth.
His personality is so sweet. He is compassionate. He is helpful. We recently had one of his AWANA leaders share that Zach has come such a long way, spiritually, in the 2 years he has been here. This man had tears in his eyes as he shared that when they asked for someone to pray for the kids that were out sick, Zach volunteered and offered a prayer that was "like his mother" who has been a Christian her entire life. This is the most important part of parenting Zach. Whether we get answers on his academic abilities or not, we desire to raise a godly boy into a godly man. One whose character shines wherever he goes.
I think we are on the right track.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
My heart for encouraging the adoption of older children
It is 3:45 am and I can’t seem to get the older children waiting for their families off of my mind. God won’t let me. They are on His mind, too. How about yours?
What comes to your mind when you think about adopting an older child? Are you afraid to think about it? Do you think that it is not something you can handle? Do you have younger children and think that you can’t adopt out of birth order? Do the stories of difficulties others have had in their older child adoption come to mind? All of these things came to my mind before we decided to request our 8 year old son one year ago. I have been there. I understand.
We have had Zach home for 8 months now. It’s long enough to know that he is a precious gift. It is not long enough to know that we are past any possible difficulties that may still come our way. But, no matter what we have in store, we have been blessed and will continue to be blessed by our willingness to lay our decision at the sovereign feet of our Savior. The world would tell us that it is not wise to adopt an older child, especially an older boy. The world would tell us it is not wise to bring home a child older than our youngest. The world DID tell us “you and Steve are going to have nothing but trouble.”
Thankfully, we listened to the wisdom of our loving and merciful God, instead, and said “YES!” when He asked us to make Zach our son and brother. God’s wisdom is more compassionate, more loving and more complete than that offered by the world. The world only looks at the past and projects statistics to make us doubt the value of these older children and our responsibility for them as Christians. God gives us a future and a hope, and the knowledge that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.
We could have let the fear stop us. We could have let fear for our youngest daughter get in the way. We could have listened to others as they proclaimed nothing but doom and gloom over our decision. Knowing that this adoption could cause struggles for the children we currently had, we could have decided that we didn’t want to “do that to them.”
As I consider what we “did to them,” I can honestly say that we opened their world to a life of obedience to God. We took a step of faith and answered God’s call with the only answer we could give, and we did it with joy, not fear. We taught our children to see that God has a plan and a purpose for our lives that sometimes goes against what the world says we should do, but that God’s desires for us should come first. We taught them to value people more than things or “conventional wisdom.”
God wants to set the lonely in families (Psalm 68:5-6). Who could be more lonely, or more in need of a family, than an orphan? This verse does not exclude older children, or older boys. This verse does not say that the families into which He will set them must only have older children, if any. This verse is all inclusive of every lonely child, regardless of their circumstances, age or gender.
Adopting an older child is not for everyone. I am not implying that it is something everyone should do, nor can every family handle an out of birth order adoption. And I am not trying to imply that our story will be yours. Every child and every adoption is different. My plea -- my heart's cry -- is for more people to consider whether or not God is calling you to one of these precious children. The called and chosen of Christ are those who need to recognize their inestimable worth. If we don't, who will?
If God is calling you to be open to adopting an older child, please honor Him by looking into it. He wants you to get past the fear and trust Him wherever He takes you. Please request the files of some older children, look into their eyes, and understand that they simply want a home and a family to love them unconditionally. God will be with you. He always is. He loves you too much to give you more than you could handle. And He loves these children so much He is asking His chosen to care for them. Will you, if that is what He wants from you?
What comes to your mind when you think about adopting an older child? Are you afraid to think about it? Do you think that it is not something you can handle? Do you have younger children and think that you can’t adopt out of birth order? Do the stories of difficulties others have had in their older child adoption come to mind? All of these things came to my mind before we decided to request our 8 year old son one year ago. I have been there. I understand.
We have had Zach home for 8 months now. It’s long enough to know that he is a precious gift. It is not long enough to know that we are past any possible difficulties that may still come our way. But, no matter what we have in store, we have been blessed and will continue to be blessed by our willingness to lay our decision at the sovereign feet of our Savior. The world would tell us that it is not wise to adopt an older child, especially an older boy. The world would tell us it is not wise to bring home a child older than our youngest. The world DID tell us “you and Steve are going to have nothing but trouble.”
Thankfully, we listened to the wisdom of our loving and merciful God, instead, and said “YES!” when He asked us to make Zach our son and brother. God’s wisdom is more compassionate, more loving and more complete than that offered by the world. The world only looks at the past and projects statistics to make us doubt the value of these older children and our responsibility for them as Christians. God gives us a future and a hope, and the knowledge that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.
We could have let the fear stop us. We could have let fear for our youngest daughter get in the way. We could have listened to others as they proclaimed nothing but doom and gloom over our decision. Knowing that this adoption could cause struggles for the children we currently had, we could have decided that we didn’t want to “do that to them.”
As I consider what we “did to them,” I can honestly say that we opened their world to a life of obedience to God. We took a step of faith and answered God’s call with the only answer we could give, and we did it with joy, not fear. We taught our children to see that God has a plan and a purpose for our lives that sometimes goes against what the world says we should do, but that God’s desires for us should come first. We taught them to value people more than things or “conventional wisdom.”
God wants to set the lonely in families (Psalm 68:5-6). Who could be more lonely, or more in need of a family, than an orphan? This verse does not exclude older children, or older boys. This verse does not say that the families into which He will set them must only have older children, if any. This verse is all inclusive of every lonely child, regardless of their circumstances, age or gender.
Adopting an older child is not for everyone. I am not implying that it is something everyone should do, nor can every family handle an out of birth order adoption. And I am not trying to imply that our story will be yours. Every child and every adoption is different. My plea -- my heart's cry -- is for more people to consider whether or not God is calling you to one of these precious children. The called and chosen of Christ are those who need to recognize their inestimable worth. If we don't, who will?
If God is calling you to be open to adopting an older child, please honor Him by looking into it. He wants you to get past the fear and trust Him wherever He takes you. Please request the files of some older children, look into their eyes, and understand that they simply want a home and a family to love them unconditionally. God will be with you. He always is. He loves you too much to give you more than you could handle. And He loves these children so much He is asking His chosen to care for them. Will you, if that is what He wants from you?
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
"Your hair is like..."
So, we were sitting in church last Sunday. Zach and Katie needed to be separated. We put Katie on the right side of Steve and Zach on the left side of me, hoping that being separated by two parents would be more effective than the one-parent-separation of the week before (which was painful).
Zach was feeling affectionate and wanted me to wrap my arms around him, which I did gladly. He was smiling up at me and talking away before the service began. Then, he puts his arm on my shoulder and runs his hands through my hair. Keep in mind that this is hard to do because my hair is getting so long (still short, but...) that I need much more hairspray to keep it in place. He gets this cute look on his face and continues to feel my hair. Very touching. Then he sweetly looks at me and says:
"Your hair is like a tree."
I laugh; Steve laughs; the woman in front of us (a friend, thankfully) laughs. I realized that, when you put that much hairspray on your hair, it can feel a little like BARK!
Yes, his English is coming along!
Just had to share a laugh. More pictures of Zach now riding his bike without training wheels (YEAH Zach!!!), coming. And, by the way, when you put a lot of pressure on really strong training wheels, they do eventually get warped! We were so proud when he took off after the first try without them.
Zach was feeling affectionate and wanted me to wrap my arms around him, which I did gladly. He was smiling up at me and talking away before the service began. Then, he puts his arm on my shoulder and runs his hands through my hair. Keep in mind that this is hard to do because my hair is getting so long (still short, but...) that I need much more hairspray to keep it in place. He gets this cute look on his face and continues to feel my hair. Very touching. Then he sweetly looks at me and says:
"Your hair is like a tree."
I laugh; Steve laughs; the woman in front of us (a friend, thankfully) laughs. I realized that, when you put that much hairspray on your hair, it can feel a little like BARK!
Yes, his English is coming along!
Just had to share a laugh. More pictures of Zach now riding his bike without training wheels (YEAH Zach!!!), coming. And, by the way, when you put a lot of pressure on really strong training wheels, they do eventually get warped! We were so proud when he took off after the first try without them.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Praising God for wonderful news!
I am stunned. Zach was scheduled to have his eye surgery to correct strabismus (crossing of the eye) this Thursday. We went to see the eye doctor today for a pre-surgery exam and he no longer needs the surgery! Praise God! When we visited in January, his eyes were crossing at 9 degrees. They are now at under 5! She said she would consider this outcome a "successful surgery" had he had the surgery. The doctor can't explain it. She said this just doesn't happen in a child this age -- maybe an infant, but not an 8 year old. She suggested that it could be due to better nutrition, but I know that it is because so many people have been praying for Zach! We couldn't be happier, and neither could Zach. He was so excited. When we got outside, he gave me a "high 5" and wanted to talk to everyone, even the church secretary, and tell them that he didn't need surgery, his eyes were better. He thanked people for praying for him (which is, in itself, a huge praise!).
God is good, and He does answer prayer.
Also, we received some wonderful news about Zach's MRI results. Apparently, there was an interruption in the development of his brain one or two weeks after conception (amazing what they can see), which caused a cleft that corresponds to the left sided weakness from which he suffers. There was nothing new to report and we have no new "issues" we need to manage! Hallelujah! All praise goes to a loving and merciful God who does listen to our prayers.
In Christ,
Cindy
God is good, and He does answer prayer.
Also, we received some wonderful news about Zach's MRI results. Apparently, there was an interruption in the development of his brain one or two weeks after conception (amazing what they can see), which caused a cleft that corresponds to the left sided weakness from which he suffers. There was nothing new to report and we have no new "issues" we need to manage! Hallelujah! All praise goes to a loving and merciful God who does listen to our prayers.
In Christ,
Cindy
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Zach had his MRI today...
Zach had his MRI today to determine if his cerebral palsy was caused by trauma or a stroke in utero, and what parts of his brain were affected. He did well. We will find out in a week or so what the results are.
Since it is important to know about any possible metal implants or fragments in a body before an MRI (I don't think they can do it if there is), I had to answer questions about this. But I obviously couldn't answer questions about whether or not he had ever suffered an injury from a metal object. I also could not answer questions about the eye surgery Zach told us he had in China. We had nothing on his paperwork about it, but when we told him he was having eye surgery here, he described in detail a surgery he had in China. So,when they asked about eye surgery, all I could say is "he says he had it, if that's true, I don't know what they did." So, they did x-rays of his face to make sure they had not implanted any metal.
Then, realizing that he spent 8 years in an orphanage, they had the interpreter ask Zach about some scars that I had noticed on his body. This brought up stories of injuries suffered at the hands of other children. The interpreter had difficulty telling me what he was saying because she was upset, and Zach obviously didn't want to talk about it. They stopped after discussing two scars and, again, since we could not be sure that he had not been hit or cut with a metal object, they did x-rays of the rest of his body, to make sure there were no fragments left over.
This really brought home, once again, the unknowns of the lives older adopted children have lead before. It makes me so sad for the children who still don't have a family to protect them from the realities of orphanage life. It makes me sad that I can't answer these questions for him as completely as I can answer them for my oldest two, and even Katie who was brought home at 10 months old. It makes me sad that he has these memories. Children don't belong in orphanages. They belong in families.
Caution, here's my soapbox addition:
What is more important to you? Is it more important for you to have a luxury car, or for a child to have a loving family? Did you know that the difference in cost between a luxury car and a relatively nice car is approximately the cost of an adoption, which could help a family who couldn't otherwise afford to adopt a child?
Yes, God can bless us when we honor him. But I find nowhere in Scripture that says he blesses us materially so that we can glorify ourselves. We should use His blessings to HIS glory, not ours. After all, when he places material blessings in the hands of Christians, isn't he putting back in His own hands? As Christians, we should be more excited about reaching others with the message of the gospel and offering eternal hope, something Christ would be excited about, rather than having lots of expensive things. That is what it means to "delight in the Lord." The health and wealth heresy has crippled the message of Christ because there are so many material blessings spent to the glory of individuals, leaving so much kingdom work undone. As John Piper said in a sermon I heard last year: God is NOT glorified when Christians drive expensive cars and wear expensive suits.
All of the heresies that offer us excuses to spend so much on ourselves are leaving children in orphanages. Our indifference is causing some of them to live lives we would not wish on our worst enemy.
Since it is important to know about any possible metal implants or fragments in a body before an MRI (I don't think they can do it if there is), I had to answer questions about this. But I obviously couldn't answer questions about whether or not he had ever suffered an injury from a metal object. I also could not answer questions about the eye surgery Zach told us he had in China. We had nothing on his paperwork about it, but when we told him he was having eye surgery here, he described in detail a surgery he had in China. So,when they asked about eye surgery, all I could say is "he says he had it, if that's true, I don't know what they did." So, they did x-rays of his face to make sure they had not implanted any metal.
Then, realizing that he spent 8 years in an orphanage, they had the interpreter ask Zach about some scars that I had noticed on his body. This brought up stories of injuries suffered at the hands of other children. The interpreter had difficulty telling me what he was saying because she was upset, and Zach obviously didn't want to talk about it. They stopped after discussing two scars and, again, since we could not be sure that he had not been hit or cut with a metal object, they did x-rays of the rest of his body, to make sure there were no fragments left over.
This really brought home, once again, the unknowns of the lives older adopted children have lead before. It makes me so sad for the children who still don't have a family to protect them from the realities of orphanage life. It makes me sad that I can't answer these questions for him as completely as I can answer them for my oldest two, and even Katie who was brought home at 10 months old. It makes me sad that he has these memories. Children don't belong in orphanages. They belong in families.
Caution, here's my soapbox addition:
What is more important to you? Is it more important for you to have a luxury car, or for a child to have a loving family? Did you know that the difference in cost between a luxury car and a relatively nice car is approximately the cost of an adoption, which could help a family who couldn't otherwise afford to adopt a child?
Is it more important for you to have large savings/retirement account for your future, or for people with nothing to have a future to hope for?
Do you need lots of fancy furnishings? Or is it more important for your neighbor to have food and clothing?
These are real choices we make when we open up our checkbook. I am not condemning decisions we all have made that benefit ourselves. I just think it is important for us all (me included!) to recognize more often the good that can be done for Christ when we make decisions about what to do with our money.
Christians are called to love their neighbor as themselves. If we are truly honoring this command, then our neighbors needs would be met before our wants are met. Certainly this is very hard to do. It is not something we can do perfectly. But we should at least try. Of course, we can spend our money on ourselves. Scripture doesn't say we can't, and I am not implying that we can't. But our desire and our priority should be reaching the lost and giving them the hope we have in Christ. Having nice things is certainly not a crime. But we do run the risk of failing to see that we have built up too many treasures here on earth that moths and rust will destroy, that could instead have been stored up in heaven. Christ warned us against this.Yes, God can bless us when we honor him. But I find nowhere in Scripture that says he blesses us materially so that we can glorify ourselves. We should use His blessings to HIS glory, not ours. After all, when he places material blessings in the hands of Christians, isn't he putting back in His own hands? As Christians, we should be more excited about reaching others with the message of the gospel and offering eternal hope, something Christ would be excited about, rather than having lots of expensive things. That is what it means to "delight in the Lord." The health and wealth heresy has crippled the message of Christ because there are so many material blessings spent to the glory of individuals, leaving so much kingdom work undone. As John Piper said in a sermon I heard last year: God is NOT glorified when Christians drive expensive cars and wear expensive suits.
All of the heresies that offer us excuses to spend so much on ourselves are leaving children in orphanages. Our indifference is causing some of them to live lives we would not wish on our worst enemy.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Happy Easter!
He is RISEN! Hallelujah!
Well, we just returned from our Easter vacation to the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee. We had a great time, despite the various illnesses that plagued us before and during our trip. In the weeks before we left, Eliza was sick, then Katie, then Maddie, then Katie again. Katie suffered from a fever for 6 days prior to leaving, ended up on the prenisolone and was REALLY crabby. But, by Friday when we left, we were no longer nebulizing her and we no longer gave her the steroid. She was the only healthy one during the trip. I was on antibiotics for a strep infection diagnosed on Wednesday. Steve developed an awful cold. Maddie awoke in the middle of Saturday night with a fever of 101 and Zach woke on Sunday morning with a low grade fever that rose during the day. He slept for most of the day Monday.
Our cabin was beautiful and the scenery was breathtaking.
My mom and sister drove down separately and ended up in Jellico, TN on Saturday night with a bad alternator. They came on Sunday just in time to say goodbye to my brother and his friend who had driven up from Atlanta for the weekend. It was good to see them and we were sorry they had to leave so soon. On Tuesday, we experienced the challenge of finding a doctor to see Maddie, who had developed severe ear pain on Monday night. Apparently, there is only one MD in all of Pigeon Forge, and he is a sweet old man who went there to "retire" 17 years earlier. The town obviously needs him. He told us how he waited in line for a tattoo while in the Marines, but the wait was too long so he gave up. He was going to put "Louise," his high school sweet heart on his arm, but ended up marrying Margaret! Anyway, we now had antibiotics for Maddie's ear infection and I achieved a milestone on Wednesday -- I did not have to take anyone's temperature the entire day! We were definately on the road to recovery!
Despite all the illnesses, we had fun. We drove through Cade's Cove in the Smoky Mountains (too worn out to do any hiking...), went horseback riding, swam in the pool in the basement of our cabin, relaxed in the hot tub on the deck, went to Dixieland Stampede, and generally enjoyed the time away.
Zach was having a great time with all these new adventures. He loves swimming and looked so proud on his horse, Sugar. But, sorry to say for my mom and sister who are big outdoors people -- Zach didn't seem too impressed with the scenery.... But, he was impressed with the trucks and other machinery that we passed or saw on the mountain roads. He is all boy!
The kids were all pretty good travelers. We had movies for them to watch which is certainly a life saver. My, have times changed from when I was a kid traveling by car across the country with only books to occupy my time!
Otherwise, in the transition and adjustment department, Zach is testing his boundaries quite a bit now. This is good. It is something all children will do, no matter whether they are adopted or biological. They need to know how far they can push the envelope if they don't want to obey. So, as we experience this, we understand that it is part of his learning how to respond to these new experiences of having parents, siblings and expectations that come along with family life. It is admittedly hard to impose consequences to misbehaviors when we are not sure he understands either what he has done wrong, or what is the outcome of that choice to disobey. But, this is coming along, too. The language is blossoming and the understanding of what is expected is getting there, too. He is a sweet boy. Most of the time, when he is disciplined, he will apologize again for it the next day. This tells me that he is thinking about what happened and continuing to process it. All of this is good.
Another milestone we have reached: Our 6 month homestudy was completed last night! Wow, time is flying by...
Zach and his classmates when he was "star of the week."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
