Updates on fun stuff (and medical, too)

Katie and Simone

Zach and Dad all dressed up for church (Zach loved it!)

A lot has happened lately! We have had a lot of fun, including a trip to the Wisconsin Dells to meet up with some adoption friends. Our wonderful friends, Dan and Nicole, brought home their daughter Simone at the same time we brought home Katie. They were buddies during our adoption trip and they are still buddies now. They are adorable together. Unfortunately, this trip also included a bout with asthma by Katie, which required a 10:00 p.m. trip to a wonderful Walgreens who kept the store open 10 minutes for Steve to buy a new nebulizer. Yes, Katie's nebulizer chose this moment to stop working! Katie was generally under the weather on Saturday, but we still managed to have fun.


We also met up with the family of Zach's friend Nina, who came to our hotel for dinner on Saturday. All of our girls had a great time with their friends, and Zach looked forward to his time with Nina, constantly asking from the time he awoke on Saturday if Nina was coming now?


As for swimming at the Great Wolf Lodge, let's just say it was a hit! Zach stayed in the water as long as possible, went down the mat races with his sisters, swam round and round in the lazy river, was flipped over on his tube in the wave pool, etc.


So here is a challenge question for you all:

-- if you didn't know the word for "flip-flops" (you know, those plastic shoes you wear in the summer -- some call them thongs), what would you choose to call them if you wanted to talk about them?

How about -- Swimming Pool Slippers? Sounds good to me! Zach really wanted some, as we prepared for our trip, and this is what he decided made the most sense to get this point across... (I have to admit I love it!)

Then, after the fun weekend, Zach had a "few" medical appointments! He started with a pediatric opthamologist. The result of this visit is a surgery scheduled on April 10 to detach and reattach his eye muscles. He has strabismus (crossing of the eye) and alternating esotropia (which means he uses each eye at different times). With the strabismus, he sees double. So, his brain has compensated for this by shutting down the vision to one eye at a time. He has good vision in each eye because he continues to use both, just not together. The surgery will hopefully get his eyes pointed in the same direction. There is a 20-25% chance that they will over or under correct during the surgery and, if so, he will need another surgery.

Interesting note: Zach apparently had surgery on his eyes in China. He knows what is going on, and is very excited about it! I think he realizes that it will help him.

After this visit, he met with a neurologist. She said she does not like the term "cerebral palsy" as it is a "garbage term" that many things get dumped into. So, she is calling his condition hemiplegia, which is basically that one side is weak. This doesn't change the diagnosis, really, since this is still a condition caused by damage to the brain at some point before or just after birth. Zach will still meet with a specialist in March to discuss options for gaining mobility and flexibility in his muscles. He was fitted for a brace that day and has since started using it. Again, he is excited about this because he recognizes that it is helping him walk and run!

She has scheduled an MRI on March 26 to determine whether he had a stroke in the womb or trauma that caused the damage, and the extent of the damage. We are not worried about cognitive damage, since he is continuing to do well in school. He has had three spelling tests at school now and has scored 100% on each! Go Zach!

Finally, he had a major teeth cleaning. He had a great deal of plaque and bacteria built up under his gums that needed to be scraped away. His breath is much more pleasant these days!

Through it all, he has been a trooper. He knows we are helping him. He knows these steps are necessary. It is a huge benefit that he understands this, since this will keep him from resenting wearing the brace, which he will be wearing all day, every day as soon as he becomes used to wearing it.

That's our news! I will try to keep you all informed at a much greater pace!

Life with Zach can be funny!

Here are some pictures of life as we currently know it. Katie had her first piano recital (after vowing she wasn't going to play in a recital before she started having lessons). Sledding is great fun (obviously) as is playing outside in general. Zach also has taken on the task of being a teacher at times. He makes chopsticks look SO EASY! We just don't get it. Most of the time, he simply gets frustrated and hands us our fork.

Zach is fun. He is always exploring whatever there is around that can be explored. He wants to know how things work. Actually, he just simply wants to know.

At one point, just a few weeks after we came home, he must have wanted to know what would happen if he threw his slipper over the deck railing. Well, nothing happened. I kept wondering what happened to the other slipper, but couldn't get him to understand enough to tell me. Then, the other day, I ran across the single slipper again. I said, more to myself, "Boy, Zach, I sure would like to know what happened to that other slipper..." So, he promptly took me to the patio door and motioned over the railing. I asked if he threw it over, he said "Yeah." I may never know what was going through his head when he decided to do that. He may have thought there is an endless supply of slippers, since there seems to be no end to the appearance of things he needs. After all, we have so much here, is there really a shortage of slippers if I get rid of one? Since that slipper is now under a foot or so of snow, I will have to wait until spring to really discover what happened to it.

Other times, he just accepts things at face value and doesn't question them.

Like last Monday. The kids were going back to school after their break was over. Everyone was scurrying around since they were off their morning routine having two weeks off. I was making sure everyone was getting dressed. During the break, I had been trying to give Zach a little more control over his choice of clothing. He tends not to stay on task (there is always something to explore in his room), so it is easier to simply lay out the clothes rather than have him take time to choose. On Monday, when the kids were getting ready for school, I told Zach it was time to get dressed. I went in to help him choose and he picked out a dress shirt that I had bought. He had wanted to wear it for playing but I had told him it was for school/church. So, since he chose that, I picked out a pair of jeans and khakis. I put them both on his bed and told him he could wear one of these with the shirt and left to allow him to dress.

That night, when he put his pajamas on, I noticed that he had worn both! The jeans were over the khakis. Steve and I laughed, and Steve explained that you only wear one pair of pants. Zach complained and said "Mama!" It was not until then that I realized he thought I wanted him to wear both! This would not be unusual, since they layer their clothing in China. If you remember, when Zach came to us, he was wearing (in the beginning of Oct) his sweatpants and sweatshirt over his longjohn-style pajamas. Apparently the children coming home from China now are wearing 3 layers! It was what he used to do, so it made sense to him. The only thing I can say is, I feel badly for him when he had to use the bathroom! One zipper is hard enough to manage, but 2! Poor guy!

Then, there was the case of Steve's Disappearing Running Shoes...

Steve last saw them at the beginning of December. We searched the entire house, every logical hiding place. We knew Zach had a hand in this caper. We just couldn't get him to confess (or I guess I should say "understand"). He loves to tease Dad by wearing his shoes around the house. So, Steve finally admitted defeat in the solving of the case and gave in and bought another pair (and, for those that don't know, they are NOT cheap!). Every once in a while, we would ponder what could have happened to them.

Then came the thaw...

I was playing with Baylee one day last week. The weather had warmed up a lot and the snow was starting to melt. I walked down the deck stairs and there they were, one still half buried in the snow and the other lying upside down nearby. Mystery solved! Steve is attempting to get them dry enough to use (he likes these better in the cold). We are now realizing the importance of getting the point across that teasing Dad is ok. Just keep the shoes in the house!

Take care, everyone!

Happy New Year

As I look at the date of my last post, I have to admit that I have been slacking in my duties. I do apologize about that!

We have had a wonderful December. We continue to be amazed by Zach's ability to accept his new reality with so much grace and patience. His Christmas was a joy. His teacher, Mrs Wu, had explained the idea of a wish list for presents so Zach told her that he wanted a new wagon. We have one that has been through about 11 years of use and has definately seen better days. He was so excited when he opened that Radio Flyer classic red wagon, he couldn't wait to get it together. He had a great time with his grandparents, aunts, uncle and cousins. He simply enjoyed the days of Christmas in a way that is hard to explain.

That night, he was also able to speak to Nina, who told him what Christmas is really about -- Jesus. We couldn't be more thankful to this little girl who was so excited about what she recently learned that she wanted to share it with a friend. What a lesson to those of us who have known Him for a long time. How excited are we to share what we know? That was truly our best gift this Christmas. It was the one piece of the difficulty with communication that we were sad about. We, ourselves, were unable to share our joy in knowing Christ as our Savior with our son. But Nina could. And she did. Praise God! Now we are simply praying that this new seed of knowledge will sprout and that Zach will ponder what he has learned.

We have also had more insight into our precious son, through what Nina has shared with her family. It is a blessing that this friend of Zach's has relatives that live 15 minutes from us! They were here for a short visit on Sunday and it was such a blessing! We truly enjoyed meeting Nina, her sisters and her parents. They are a wonderful family that we are thankful to know.

Anyway, Nina said that our little boy was "one of the nicest boys at the school." Sadly, though not surprisingly, he was teased at school for it. We saw a larger glimpse of this compassion when we had to take Katie to the doctor on Sunday for her asthma. We had started her on an oral steroid the day before and it simply wasn't doing anything for her. We were worried that she would need to go the the ER and the girls explained this to Zach. While we were gone, he cried and sat staring at her picture. Even Maddie couldn't cheer him up. When we returned with a fairly decent report (no pneumonia, at least), he wouldn't leave her side. Even with the sibling rivalry that rears its ugly head, there is love.

Of course, we have had our other moments of miscommunication and misunderstandings. Like the time when Zach had school on the Friday before Christmas break but his sisters, who attend a different school, did not. They attend a charter school with many Fridays off (and longer school days because of it). We had tried to prepare him for this event beforehand, but he awoke remembering that he had school and they didn't. He pouted and refused to do anything without some major prodding. I knew I could not give in and keep him home that day, or he would get the impression that this behavior works to get what he wants. With many more Fridays coming up where his sisters would be home, he needed to understand that there are days like this, and accept them.

So, I called his teacher to prepare her for the fact that Zach was sad and told her why. She understood the need to send him. She in turn prepared Mrs Wu. When I walked Zach in to school, Mrs Wu told him to dry his tears, and told me to go. Zach did just fine and was excited to tell me about his day when I picked him up.

Parenting an older adopted child, or any adopted child who is struggling with attachment, is a challenge. As parents, we need to determine which behaviors are related to attachment issues, and which are simply normal childhood behaviors designed to manipulate us. Just because we adopted an older child, does not make all problems that arise a manifestation of attachment disorder. Overall, we are so pleased with Zach's attachment to us. He seems to have bonded with all of us. He is excited when one of us returns home, and he gives us hugs when one of us leaves. It was because of this that I could be more comfortable sending him in that situation.

We must always remember that every child will handle this transition differently. There is not a "one size fits all" method of dealing with situations that arise. We just have to do the best we can with the knowledge we have of the situation and our child. We will make mistakes. We will achieve successes. All of it leads to the building of our families.

We wish you all a blessed 2008! May it bring many more children home to the families God intended for them from the beginning of time...

Time is flying and we are sure having fun.

Maddie, Zach, Eliza and Katie

Zach's buddy -- our 100 lb "toddler" -- Baylee

Zach on his new bike!

The front of our house (when it wasn't covered in white!)

And the backyard

Zach is having a great time here in lovely, white, cold Minnesota! We have had a lot of snow, and Zach has been shoveling A LOT of snow! He is such a wonderful helper. He loves to be with his dad and if he sees a tool, he wants to use it! I think I am going to have to buy him his own shovel (so that his dad can get more done ;-).

Recently, I had to repair something in the kitchen. I left to check on something and when I came back, Zach had already reassembled it. If it weren't for the fact that the wood was already splitting, he would have been successful at completing the repair for me. And, the other day, I had a large wrench in my hand to tighten a pipe and Zach stopped playing to follow me and my wrench. What a BOY! That is so unusual around our house. My girls don't want anything to do with tools, unless it is used to put together one of their toys.

Last night, Zach had a chance to talk on the phone to one of his friends from China. He and Nina talked for about half an hour and we had to stop the conversation so that he could take his bath and get to bed. Otherwise, they may have been talking for hours! It was so fun watching him as he talked. He was so excited and laughed and giggled and listened and shared. I am so thankful that my friend Pam told me about the Yahoo group for families with children from Zach's orphange. We have pictures of his friends, we can contact friends, we will hopefully even get together with them in the future! What a joy for Zach and for us. His friends from China are the only people he can talk to who will truly understand what he is going through and what he is feeling. And they are the only ones who will know what he is talking about when he speaks of his past. What a blessing to be able to stay in touch with some of them. Thank you, Nina, for brightening Zach's week! I know he wants to talk again soon.

And, per Nina's request, I have posted pictures from home! She wondered why we hadn't and it is simply because I haven't taken the time to do it.

On a sad and yet happy note, my grandmother went home to her Savior last week. She was 91 and had been missing my grandfather ever since he died so many years ago. They are together now, with Jesus, in a glorious heaven. Zach experienced his first funeral and met lots of relatives. He even remembered to add many of them to his list of people he prays for each night. He named Uncle Chris (my brother who is here from Atlanta) several times! I believe it is a joy for Zach to claim his relatives. We have a family photo that he loves to carry around and name each person in the picture. Again, something we take for granted too often -- family. May we follow Zach's example and remember how special it is to have them.

I am truly thankful.

As with every Thanksgiving, I can say that I am thankful for so many things. First and foremost, I am thankful for a God who loves me so much that He sent His son, Jesus, to die for me that I may have eternal life by believing in Him.

But, this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for something else that many would think odd -- I am thankful that God allowed the fact that Zach has very mild case of Cerebral Palsy to be kept from his referral paperwork.

If that term had been on his paperwork, we likely would not have requested to be matched with him and would have missed out on bringing home a wonderful son. We are human beings with a natural fear of the unknown. Cerebral Palsy is a term that people associate with severly disabled people, only because it is the severe cases that we recognize. I never knew much about the disorder, and still don't. But now, I will be finding out more. I do know that CP contains a vast spectrum of ways it affects people. Some are more severly affected, others like Zach have minimal affectation. But one thing that is important for everyone to realize is that it is not a progressive disorder. The damage to his brain was done at birth (or shortly after) and will not continue to get worse. Zach's disability has not changed, he still has a limp. That is what we knew at the time we requested him, and that is still his disability. The only thing that has changed is that we have a defined reason for that limp. We also now have a course of action to help him walk better and get the most out of the muscle function he has.

As I think about why I would have allowed fear to keep me from requesting Zach, I have to acknowledge some attitudes in me that are not right. Do I think that Zach, because he has a disability, is less worthy of a home with me? Do I think that Zach, because he has a disability, is not worth the time, money, effort made to get him the medical attention he deserves? Do I think that Zach, because he has a disability, is less deserving of the resources with which God has blessed me? Do I think that Zach, because he has a disability, is not worth sharing what we have? These are powerfully convicting questions. God allowed this information to be withheld, because He knows we are human and sinful. I pray that others, presented with the same opportunity, will be able to see these children for what they are -- gifts given by God, deserving of all we have to offer them. That includes our time, money, any other resources we have available to us. God did not give us what we have so that we could spend it all on ourselves, buying luxuries and saving for a wonderful retirement. Too often, we think that His blessings to us are our reward, rather than our responsibility. He gave it to us to share with those who have needs. He gave it to us so that we could spread his love -- that is our responsibility as Christians. We can't do that very well if we keep that with which He has blessed us.

When Zach went to the doctor yesterday, the interpreter was unable to be there. The appointment was running late, even though our appointment was at 8:45 a.m. The doctor was apparently IN A LECTURE!!! I am still frustrated with the idea that a lecture comes before seeing patients that have confirmed appointments. He was over an hour late for our appointment because we were the 2nd appointment of the day. By that time, Zach was very upset and started crying. We tried to console him. After a few minutes, he made a sawing motion across his leg. We were devastated to realize that he thought we were going to have his leg cut off! Poor guy, no wonder he was crying! A child's imagination is a powerful thing. By the end of the visit, he was happier when he realized he was able to keep his leg. He went home and gave me and each of his sisters an exam, complete with x-rays (using his clock/radio as the camera, pointing it in our direction, and turning the music on and off) and range of motion tests on their legs.

Through all of this, I also have a new perspective on thankfulness. When I see Zach's pure enjoyment of things we take for granted, I am reminded of how much we have to be thankful for. We had a slight dusting of snow last night. I remembered that I had not bought boots for him yet so I thought I should take care of that. When Maddie gave him the boots, he smiled a huge smile, put them on and didn't take them off until bedtime. He put them in his cubby right by his bed and the first thing he did when he awoke this morning was get dressed, put them on and go outside to play. He used the wagon the kids have to move stuff around the back yard. He remembered one of his favorite movies, Home Alone, and how Kevin used the sled to slide down the stairs and into the front yard. He took our sled and slid down the deck stairs. He is simply enjoying the freedom to play. He is using his wonderful child's imagination to have fun in a way that was probably not possible before -- on his own, doing what he wants to do.

I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for Zach, and for all of our girls and their hearts to bring home a brother. We are learning so much about thankfulness through this experience.

Praising God for a good cardiologist report!

We are so excited! We were in to see a cardiologist on Friday to check up on Zach's heart murmur and the doctor said that his heart is "perfect!" He does have a murmur (I guess I still don't know exactly what causes that), but apparently 50% of kids his age have a murmur. I had no idea! She also said that rather than kids outgrowing a murmur it is probably more likely that, as they grow, their heart gets farther away from the chest wall so the murmur is no longer detectable with a stethoscope. She also said that a murmur sounds much louder when the patient is anxious (yep, he was scared!)

Zach did NOT like the EKG (I think that was what it was...) or the ultra sound. Even with an interpreter telling him it won't hurt, it looks scary. Anyway, we are thankful to have one medical concern scratched off of our list. Praise God!

Tomorrow, we will go to Gillette to have his limp evaluated. We are looking forward to finally having some answers to this mystery!

To prepare for the visit, we had Mrs Wu ask him to please answer the interpreter's questions. He gets really shy and I am sure he is nervous when he goes to these appointments, so he hardly says a word to the interpreters that we have meeting us at these appointments. Some questions are difficult to answer without his input. Not knowing his history like most parents would does make it interesting. So please pray for answers to the question "What has caused Zach's limp?" It may be simply that one leg is shorter (that would almost be too easy, but would be enough for me!). But, realistically, there may be an underlying reason the leg is shorter that needs to be addressed, too. Whatever it is, we just want to know!

So much to report!

Well, again I am sorry to take so long between posts. There has been so much to say, and I wanted to post pictures of the most important event (Zach started school!), but I can't find my camera! I have a feeling Zach, who loves electronic equipment, may have found a place for it (everything has a place you know ;-). Hopefully I will find the camera and post the pictures but, in the meantime, I want to tell you how well everything is going!

As I said, Zach started school. For those that don't know, our girls attend a charter school. There is a waiting list of over 1500 to get into this school. They do give preference to siblings, but even still, Zach is #11 on the sibling waiting list for his grade. I have to say, though, that we probably would have sent him to our local elementary school anyway. They have an ESL program there and God provided for Zach's needs in a beautiful way -- the only ESL teacher in the entire district who speaks Mandarin Chinese is at this school! I can't tell you what a blessing that was when we found that out. Furthermore, now that we have been the beneficiaries of that blessing for over a week, I can't tell you how much this has made a difference in our decision to send him and how he has handled the transition. We may have made a different decision without this added blessing, since it would have been more of a mystery of how Zach would handle the transition to a new place where no one understands him.

We had an appointment with the principal and the ESL teacher, Mrs Wu, and they both suggested that Zach begin on November 5, and enter 2nd grade. We were very pleased because it is exactly what we wanted for him. His birthday is the end of April and he is certainly not a large kid. It will be great for him to have that extra year to get caught up. He has been adjusting beautifully to his new life and he seems to be bonding well with his entire family. We are the ones he wants to be with. We are the ones he recognizes as his ma-ma and ba-ba and sisters. So, the timing felt right. The aspect of his transition to his new surroundings that will take a lot of time to develop is language. Starting school, especially with the assistance of Mrs Wu, will get that going much more quickly and efficiently than waiting.

I stayed with him the entire first day and then Mrs Wu explained that I would be leaving him on Tuesday. He did so well on Monday that I was less apprehensive. There were several times during the first day that he went off with his class without looking back, so I let him go without me. By the end of the day, his personality was starting to show up (the class clown part, that is!). Tuesday, he was of course a little sad. The teacher (who is a graduate of Bethel and has been to China and on mission trips), recognized this and "assigned" two boys to play blocks with Zach for a half hour. How sweet is that? He was fine the rest of the day. Each day was better and better. Yesterday, even though I thought he would be sad at school since he was still feeling the effects of many vaccinations, he was smiling and laughing the entire day.

We are so thankful for his adjustment so far. We have a long road ahead, but the initial transition has gone so much better than we could have even hoped. PRAISE GOD!

We do have our moments however. Just as he needed to learn that the toilet is not equivalent to a cleaner garbage can, he also needs to learn that a Beta who lives in a vase in the bathroom is not a toy. Nor does he need his fins brushed...

Sadly, yesterday Madeline went into the bathroom only to discover that Milkshake was dead. Definately under suspicious circumstances...

Evidence -- water around the vase, a wet brush nearby, Milkshake had a gash on his side and, yes, Zach had recently been in the bathroom.

Motive -- Curiosity. Zach has never had a "pet fish" before, and could not know that it has a purpose in life.

Conclusion -- Zach would not have purposely killed the Beta, especially had he known that his sisters were attached to the fish and had he known how important Milkshake was to them.

Therefore, we found him guilty of involuntary beta-slaughter. When Steve tried to "ask" him if he put the brush in the bowl, Zach nodded, and shrugged.

We are thankful for Mrs Wu who can explain to him that when Milkshake is replaced with a new Beta he can't put anything in the vase, including his hands, but especially hairbrushes!