Life with Zach can be funny!

Here are some pictures of life as we currently know it. Katie had her first piano recital (after vowing she wasn't going to play in a recital before she started having lessons). Sledding is great fun (obviously) as is playing outside in general. Zach also has taken on the task of being a teacher at times. He makes chopsticks look SO EASY! We just don't get it. Most of the time, he simply gets frustrated and hands us our fork.

Zach is fun. He is always exploring whatever there is around that can be explored. He wants to know how things work. Actually, he just simply wants to know.

At one point, just a few weeks after we came home, he must have wanted to know what would happen if he threw his slipper over the deck railing. Well, nothing happened. I kept wondering what happened to the other slipper, but couldn't get him to understand enough to tell me. Then, the other day, I ran across the single slipper again. I said, more to myself, "Boy, Zach, I sure would like to know what happened to that other slipper..." So, he promptly took me to the patio door and motioned over the railing. I asked if he threw it over, he said "Yeah." I may never know what was going through his head when he decided to do that. He may have thought there is an endless supply of slippers, since there seems to be no end to the appearance of things he needs. After all, we have so much here, is there really a shortage of slippers if I get rid of one? Since that slipper is now under a foot or so of snow, I will have to wait until spring to really discover what happened to it.

Other times, he just accepts things at face value and doesn't question them.

Like last Monday. The kids were going back to school after their break was over. Everyone was scurrying around since they were off their morning routine having two weeks off. I was making sure everyone was getting dressed. During the break, I had been trying to give Zach a little more control over his choice of clothing. He tends not to stay on task (there is always something to explore in his room), so it is easier to simply lay out the clothes rather than have him take time to choose. On Monday, when the kids were getting ready for school, I told Zach it was time to get dressed. I went in to help him choose and he picked out a dress shirt that I had bought. He had wanted to wear it for playing but I had told him it was for school/church. So, since he chose that, I picked out a pair of jeans and khakis. I put them both on his bed and told him he could wear one of these with the shirt and left to allow him to dress.

That night, when he put his pajamas on, I noticed that he had worn both! The jeans were over the khakis. Steve and I laughed, and Steve explained that you only wear one pair of pants. Zach complained and said "Mama!" It was not until then that I realized he thought I wanted him to wear both! This would not be unusual, since they layer their clothing in China. If you remember, when Zach came to us, he was wearing (in the beginning of Oct) his sweatpants and sweatshirt over his longjohn-style pajamas. Apparently the children coming home from China now are wearing 3 layers! It was what he used to do, so it made sense to him. The only thing I can say is, I feel badly for him when he had to use the bathroom! One zipper is hard enough to manage, but 2! Poor guy!

Then, there was the case of Steve's Disappearing Running Shoes...

Steve last saw them at the beginning of December. We searched the entire house, every logical hiding place. We knew Zach had a hand in this caper. We just couldn't get him to confess (or I guess I should say "understand"). He loves to tease Dad by wearing his shoes around the house. So, Steve finally admitted defeat in the solving of the case and gave in and bought another pair (and, for those that don't know, they are NOT cheap!). Every once in a while, we would ponder what could have happened to them.

Then came the thaw...

I was playing with Baylee one day last week. The weather had warmed up a lot and the snow was starting to melt. I walked down the deck stairs and there they were, one still half buried in the snow and the other lying upside down nearby. Mystery solved! Steve is attempting to get them dry enough to use (he likes these better in the cold). We are now realizing the importance of getting the point across that teasing Dad is ok. Just keep the shoes in the house!

Take care, everyone!

Happy New Year

As I look at the date of my last post, I have to admit that I have been slacking in my duties. I do apologize about that!

We have had a wonderful December. We continue to be amazed by Zach's ability to accept his new reality with so much grace and patience. His Christmas was a joy. His teacher, Mrs Wu, had explained the idea of a wish list for presents so Zach told her that he wanted a new wagon. We have one that has been through about 11 years of use and has definately seen better days. He was so excited when he opened that Radio Flyer classic red wagon, he couldn't wait to get it together. He had a great time with his grandparents, aunts, uncle and cousins. He simply enjoyed the days of Christmas in a way that is hard to explain.

That night, he was also able to speak to Nina, who told him what Christmas is really about -- Jesus. We couldn't be more thankful to this little girl who was so excited about what she recently learned that she wanted to share it with a friend. What a lesson to those of us who have known Him for a long time. How excited are we to share what we know? That was truly our best gift this Christmas. It was the one piece of the difficulty with communication that we were sad about. We, ourselves, were unable to share our joy in knowing Christ as our Savior with our son. But Nina could. And she did. Praise God! Now we are simply praying that this new seed of knowledge will sprout and that Zach will ponder what he has learned.

We have also had more insight into our precious son, through what Nina has shared with her family. It is a blessing that this friend of Zach's has relatives that live 15 minutes from us! They were here for a short visit on Sunday and it was such a blessing! We truly enjoyed meeting Nina, her sisters and her parents. They are a wonderful family that we are thankful to know.

Anyway, Nina said that our little boy was "one of the nicest boys at the school." Sadly, though not surprisingly, he was teased at school for it. We saw a larger glimpse of this compassion when we had to take Katie to the doctor on Sunday for her asthma. We had started her on an oral steroid the day before and it simply wasn't doing anything for her. We were worried that she would need to go the the ER and the girls explained this to Zach. While we were gone, he cried and sat staring at her picture. Even Maddie couldn't cheer him up. When we returned with a fairly decent report (no pneumonia, at least), he wouldn't leave her side. Even with the sibling rivalry that rears its ugly head, there is love.

Of course, we have had our other moments of miscommunication and misunderstandings. Like the time when Zach had school on the Friday before Christmas break but his sisters, who attend a different school, did not. They attend a charter school with many Fridays off (and longer school days because of it). We had tried to prepare him for this event beforehand, but he awoke remembering that he had school and they didn't. He pouted and refused to do anything without some major prodding. I knew I could not give in and keep him home that day, or he would get the impression that this behavior works to get what he wants. With many more Fridays coming up where his sisters would be home, he needed to understand that there are days like this, and accept them.

So, I called his teacher to prepare her for the fact that Zach was sad and told her why. She understood the need to send him. She in turn prepared Mrs Wu. When I walked Zach in to school, Mrs Wu told him to dry his tears, and told me to go. Zach did just fine and was excited to tell me about his day when I picked him up.

Parenting an older adopted child, or any adopted child who is struggling with attachment, is a challenge. As parents, we need to determine which behaviors are related to attachment issues, and which are simply normal childhood behaviors designed to manipulate us. Just because we adopted an older child, does not make all problems that arise a manifestation of attachment disorder. Overall, we are so pleased with Zach's attachment to us. He seems to have bonded with all of us. He is excited when one of us returns home, and he gives us hugs when one of us leaves. It was because of this that I could be more comfortable sending him in that situation.

We must always remember that every child will handle this transition differently. There is not a "one size fits all" method of dealing with situations that arise. We just have to do the best we can with the knowledge we have of the situation and our child. We will make mistakes. We will achieve successes. All of it leads to the building of our families.

We wish you all a blessed 2008! May it bring many more children home to the families God intended for them from the beginning of time...