Happy New Year

As I look at the date of my last post, I have to admit that I have been slacking in my duties. I do apologize about that!

We have had a wonderful December. We continue to be amazed by Zach's ability to accept his new reality with so much grace and patience. His Christmas was a joy. His teacher, Mrs Wu, had explained the idea of a wish list for presents so Zach told her that he wanted a new wagon. We have one that has been through about 11 years of use and has definately seen better days. He was so excited when he opened that Radio Flyer classic red wagon, he couldn't wait to get it together. He had a great time with his grandparents, aunts, uncle and cousins. He simply enjoyed the days of Christmas in a way that is hard to explain.

That night, he was also able to speak to Nina, who told him what Christmas is really about -- Jesus. We couldn't be more thankful to this little girl who was so excited about what she recently learned that she wanted to share it with a friend. What a lesson to those of us who have known Him for a long time. How excited are we to share what we know? That was truly our best gift this Christmas. It was the one piece of the difficulty with communication that we were sad about. We, ourselves, were unable to share our joy in knowing Christ as our Savior with our son. But Nina could. And she did. Praise God! Now we are simply praying that this new seed of knowledge will sprout and that Zach will ponder what he has learned.

We have also had more insight into our precious son, through what Nina has shared with her family. It is a blessing that this friend of Zach's has relatives that live 15 minutes from us! They were here for a short visit on Sunday and it was such a blessing! We truly enjoyed meeting Nina, her sisters and her parents. They are a wonderful family that we are thankful to know.

Anyway, Nina said that our little boy was "one of the nicest boys at the school." Sadly, though not surprisingly, he was teased at school for it. We saw a larger glimpse of this compassion when we had to take Katie to the doctor on Sunday for her asthma. We had started her on an oral steroid the day before and it simply wasn't doing anything for her. We were worried that she would need to go the the ER and the girls explained this to Zach. While we were gone, he cried and sat staring at her picture. Even Maddie couldn't cheer him up. When we returned with a fairly decent report (no pneumonia, at least), he wouldn't leave her side. Even with the sibling rivalry that rears its ugly head, there is love.

Of course, we have had our other moments of miscommunication and misunderstandings. Like the time when Zach had school on the Friday before Christmas break but his sisters, who attend a different school, did not. They attend a charter school with many Fridays off (and longer school days because of it). We had tried to prepare him for this event beforehand, but he awoke remembering that he had school and they didn't. He pouted and refused to do anything without some major prodding. I knew I could not give in and keep him home that day, or he would get the impression that this behavior works to get what he wants. With many more Fridays coming up where his sisters would be home, he needed to understand that there are days like this, and accept them.

So, I called his teacher to prepare her for the fact that Zach was sad and told her why. She understood the need to send him. She in turn prepared Mrs Wu. When I walked Zach in to school, Mrs Wu told him to dry his tears, and told me to go. Zach did just fine and was excited to tell me about his day when I picked him up.

Parenting an older adopted child, or any adopted child who is struggling with attachment, is a challenge. As parents, we need to determine which behaviors are related to attachment issues, and which are simply normal childhood behaviors designed to manipulate us. Just because we adopted an older child, does not make all problems that arise a manifestation of attachment disorder. Overall, we are so pleased with Zach's attachment to us. He seems to have bonded with all of us. He is excited when one of us returns home, and he gives us hugs when one of us leaves. It was because of this that I could be more comfortable sending him in that situation.

We must always remember that every child will handle this transition differently. There is not a "one size fits all" method of dealing with situations that arise. We just have to do the best we can with the knowledge we have of the situation and our child. We will make mistakes. We will achieve successes. All of it leads to the building of our families.

We wish you all a blessed 2008! May it bring many more children home to the families God intended for them from the beginning of time...