It is 3:45 am and I can’t seem to get the older children waiting for their families off of my mind. God won’t let me. They are on His mind, too. How about yours?
What comes to your mind when you think about adopting an older child? Are you afraid to think about it? Do you think that it is not something you can handle? Do you have younger children and think that you can’t adopt out of birth order? Do the stories of difficulties others have had in their older child adoption come to mind? All of these things came to my mind before we decided to request our 8 year old son one year ago. I have been there. I understand.
We have had Zach home for 8 months now. It’s long enough to know that he is a precious gift. It is not long enough to know that we are past any possible difficulties that may still come our way. But, no matter what we have in store, we have been blessed and will continue to be blessed by our willingness to lay our decision at the sovereign feet of our Savior. The world would tell us that it is not wise to adopt an older child, especially an older boy. The world would tell us it is not wise to bring home a child older than our youngest. The world DID tell us “you and Steve are going to have nothing but trouble.”
Thankfully, we listened to the wisdom of our loving and merciful God, instead, and said “YES!” when He asked us to make Zach our son and brother. God’s wisdom is more compassionate, more loving and more complete than that offered by the world. The world only looks at the past and projects statistics to make us doubt the value of these older children and our responsibility for them as Christians. God gives us a future and a hope, and the knowledge that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.
We could have let the fear stop us. We could have let fear for our youngest daughter get in the way. We could have listened to others as they proclaimed nothing but doom and gloom over our decision. Knowing that this adoption could cause struggles for the children we currently had, we could have decided that we didn’t want to “do that to them.”
As I consider what we “did to them,” I can honestly say that we opened their world to a life of obedience to God. We took a step of faith and answered God’s call with the only answer we could give, and we did it with joy, not fear. We taught our children to see that God has a plan and a purpose for our lives that sometimes goes against what the world says we should do, but that God’s desires for us should come first. We taught them to value people more than things or “conventional wisdom.”
God wants to set the lonely in families (Psalm 68:5-6). Who could be more lonely, or more in need of a family, than an orphan? This verse does not exclude older children, or older boys. This verse does not say that the families into which He will set them must only have older children, if any. This verse is all inclusive of every lonely child, regardless of their circumstances, age or gender.
Adopting an older child is not for everyone. I am not implying that it is something everyone should do, nor can every family handle an out of birth order adoption. And I am not trying to imply that our story will be yours. Every child and every adoption is different. My plea -- my heart's cry -- is for more people to consider whether or not God is calling you to one of these precious children. The called and chosen of Christ are those who need to recognize their inestimable worth. If we don't, who will?
If God is calling you to be open to adopting an older child, please honor Him by looking into it. He wants you to get past the fear and trust Him wherever He takes you. Please request the files of some older children, look into their eyes, and understand that they simply want a home and a family to love them unconditionally. God will be with you. He always is. He loves you too much to give you more than you could handle. And He loves these children so much He is asking His chosen to care for them. Will you, if that is what He wants from you?
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
"Your hair is like..."
So, we were sitting in church last Sunday. Zach and Katie needed to be separated. We put Katie on the right side of Steve and Zach on the left side of me, hoping that being separated by two parents would be more effective than the one-parent-separation of the week before (which was painful).
Zach was feeling affectionate and wanted me to wrap my arms around him, which I did gladly. He was smiling up at me and talking away before the service began. Then, he puts his arm on my shoulder and runs his hands through my hair. Keep in mind that this is hard to do because my hair is getting so long (still short, but...) that I need much more hairspray to keep it in place. He gets this cute look on his face and continues to feel my hair. Very touching. Then he sweetly looks at me and says:
"Your hair is like a tree."
I laugh; Steve laughs; the woman in front of us (a friend, thankfully) laughs. I realized that, when you put that much hairspray on your hair, it can feel a little like BARK!
Yes, his English is coming along!
Just had to share a laugh. More pictures of Zach now riding his bike without training wheels (YEAH Zach!!!), coming. And, by the way, when you put a lot of pressure on really strong training wheels, they do eventually get warped! We were so proud when he took off after the first try without them.
Zach was feeling affectionate and wanted me to wrap my arms around him, which I did gladly. He was smiling up at me and talking away before the service began. Then, he puts his arm on my shoulder and runs his hands through my hair. Keep in mind that this is hard to do because my hair is getting so long (still short, but...) that I need much more hairspray to keep it in place. He gets this cute look on his face and continues to feel my hair. Very touching. Then he sweetly looks at me and says:
"Your hair is like a tree."
I laugh; Steve laughs; the woman in front of us (a friend, thankfully) laughs. I realized that, when you put that much hairspray on your hair, it can feel a little like BARK!
Yes, his English is coming along!
Just had to share a laugh. More pictures of Zach now riding his bike without training wheels (YEAH Zach!!!), coming. And, by the way, when you put a lot of pressure on really strong training wheels, they do eventually get warped! We were so proud when he took off after the first try without them.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Praising God for wonderful news!
I am stunned. Zach was scheduled to have his eye surgery to correct strabismus (crossing of the eye) this Thursday. We went to see the eye doctor today for a pre-surgery exam and he no longer needs the surgery! Praise God! When we visited in January, his eyes were crossing at 9 degrees. They are now at under 5! She said she would consider this outcome a "successful surgery" had he had the surgery. The doctor can't explain it. She said this just doesn't happen in a child this age -- maybe an infant, but not an 8 year old. She suggested that it could be due to better nutrition, but I know that it is because so many people have been praying for Zach! We couldn't be happier, and neither could Zach. He was so excited. When we got outside, he gave me a "high 5" and wanted to talk to everyone, even the church secretary, and tell them that he didn't need surgery, his eyes were better. He thanked people for praying for him (which is, in itself, a huge praise!).
God is good, and He does answer prayer.
Also, we received some wonderful news about Zach's MRI results. Apparently, there was an interruption in the development of his brain one or two weeks after conception (amazing what they can see), which caused a cleft that corresponds to the left sided weakness from which he suffers. There was nothing new to report and we have no new "issues" we need to manage! Hallelujah! All praise goes to a loving and merciful God who does listen to our prayers.
In Christ,
Cindy
God is good, and He does answer prayer.
Also, we received some wonderful news about Zach's MRI results. Apparently, there was an interruption in the development of his brain one or two weeks after conception (amazing what they can see), which caused a cleft that corresponds to the left sided weakness from which he suffers. There was nothing new to report and we have no new "issues" we need to manage! Hallelujah! All praise goes to a loving and merciful God who does listen to our prayers.
In Christ,
Cindy
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Zach had his MRI today...
Zach had his MRI today to determine if his cerebral palsy was caused by trauma or a stroke in utero, and what parts of his brain were affected. He did well. We will find out in a week or so what the results are.
Since it is important to know about any possible metal implants or fragments in a body before an MRI (I don't think they can do it if there is), I had to answer questions about this. But I obviously couldn't answer questions about whether or not he had ever suffered an injury from a metal object. I also could not answer questions about the eye surgery Zach told us he had in China. We had nothing on his paperwork about it, but when we told him he was having eye surgery here, he described in detail a surgery he had in China. So,when they asked about eye surgery, all I could say is "he says he had it, if that's true, I don't know what they did." So, they did x-rays of his face to make sure they had not implanted any metal.
Then, realizing that he spent 8 years in an orphanage, they had the interpreter ask Zach about some scars that I had noticed on his body. This brought up stories of injuries suffered at the hands of other children. The interpreter had difficulty telling me what he was saying because she was upset, and Zach obviously didn't want to talk about it. They stopped after discussing two scars and, again, since we could not be sure that he had not been hit or cut with a metal object, they did x-rays of the rest of his body, to make sure there were no fragments left over.
This really brought home, once again, the unknowns of the lives older adopted children have lead before. It makes me so sad for the children who still don't have a family to protect them from the realities of orphanage life. It makes me sad that I can't answer these questions for him as completely as I can answer them for my oldest two, and even Katie who was brought home at 10 months old. It makes me sad that he has these memories. Children don't belong in orphanages. They belong in families.
Caution, here's my soapbox addition:
What is more important to you? Is it more important for you to have a luxury car, or for a child to have a loving family? Did you know that the difference in cost between a luxury car and a relatively nice car is approximately the cost of an adoption, which could help a family who couldn't otherwise afford to adopt a child?
Yes, God can bless us when we honor him. But I find nowhere in Scripture that says he blesses us materially so that we can glorify ourselves. We should use His blessings to HIS glory, not ours. After all, when he places material blessings in the hands of Christians, isn't he putting back in His own hands? As Christians, we should be more excited about reaching others with the message of the gospel and offering eternal hope, something Christ would be excited about, rather than having lots of expensive things. That is what it means to "delight in the Lord." The health and wealth heresy has crippled the message of Christ because there are so many material blessings spent to the glory of individuals, leaving so much kingdom work undone. As John Piper said in a sermon I heard last year: God is NOT glorified when Christians drive expensive cars and wear expensive suits.
All of the heresies that offer us excuses to spend so much on ourselves are leaving children in orphanages. Our indifference is causing some of them to live lives we would not wish on our worst enemy.
Since it is important to know about any possible metal implants or fragments in a body before an MRI (I don't think they can do it if there is), I had to answer questions about this. But I obviously couldn't answer questions about whether or not he had ever suffered an injury from a metal object. I also could not answer questions about the eye surgery Zach told us he had in China. We had nothing on his paperwork about it, but when we told him he was having eye surgery here, he described in detail a surgery he had in China. So,when they asked about eye surgery, all I could say is "he says he had it, if that's true, I don't know what they did." So, they did x-rays of his face to make sure they had not implanted any metal.
Then, realizing that he spent 8 years in an orphanage, they had the interpreter ask Zach about some scars that I had noticed on his body. This brought up stories of injuries suffered at the hands of other children. The interpreter had difficulty telling me what he was saying because she was upset, and Zach obviously didn't want to talk about it. They stopped after discussing two scars and, again, since we could not be sure that he had not been hit or cut with a metal object, they did x-rays of the rest of his body, to make sure there were no fragments left over.
This really brought home, once again, the unknowns of the lives older adopted children have lead before. It makes me so sad for the children who still don't have a family to protect them from the realities of orphanage life. It makes me sad that I can't answer these questions for him as completely as I can answer them for my oldest two, and even Katie who was brought home at 10 months old. It makes me sad that he has these memories. Children don't belong in orphanages. They belong in families.
Caution, here's my soapbox addition:
What is more important to you? Is it more important for you to have a luxury car, or for a child to have a loving family? Did you know that the difference in cost between a luxury car and a relatively nice car is approximately the cost of an adoption, which could help a family who couldn't otherwise afford to adopt a child?
Is it more important for you to have large savings/retirement account for your future, or for people with nothing to have a future to hope for?
Do you need lots of fancy furnishings? Or is it more important for your neighbor to have food and clothing?
These are real choices we make when we open up our checkbook. I am not condemning decisions we all have made that benefit ourselves. I just think it is important for us all (me included!) to recognize more often the good that can be done for Christ when we make decisions about what to do with our money.
Christians are called to love their neighbor as themselves. If we are truly honoring this command, then our neighbors needs would be met before our wants are met. Certainly this is very hard to do. It is not something we can do perfectly. But we should at least try. Of course, we can spend our money on ourselves. Scripture doesn't say we can't, and I am not implying that we can't. But our desire and our priority should be reaching the lost and giving them the hope we have in Christ. Having nice things is certainly not a crime. But we do run the risk of failing to see that we have built up too many treasures here on earth that moths and rust will destroy, that could instead have been stored up in heaven. Christ warned us against this.Yes, God can bless us when we honor him. But I find nowhere in Scripture that says he blesses us materially so that we can glorify ourselves. We should use His blessings to HIS glory, not ours. After all, when he places material blessings in the hands of Christians, isn't he putting back in His own hands? As Christians, we should be more excited about reaching others with the message of the gospel and offering eternal hope, something Christ would be excited about, rather than having lots of expensive things. That is what it means to "delight in the Lord." The health and wealth heresy has crippled the message of Christ because there are so many material blessings spent to the glory of individuals, leaving so much kingdom work undone. As John Piper said in a sermon I heard last year: God is NOT glorified when Christians drive expensive cars and wear expensive suits.
All of the heresies that offer us excuses to spend so much on ourselves are leaving children in orphanages. Our indifference is causing some of them to live lives we would not wish on our worst enemy.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Happy Easter!
He is RISEN! Hallelujah!
Well, we just returned from our Easter vacation to the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee. We had a great time, despite the various illnesses that plagued us before and during our trip. In the weeks before we left, Eliza was sick, then Katie, then Maddie, then Katie again. Katie suffered from a fever for 6 days prior to leaving, ended up on the prenisolone and was REALLY crabby. But, by Friday when we left, we were no longer nebulizing her and we no longer gave her the steroid. She was the only healthy one during the trip. I was on antibiotics for a strep infection diagnosed on Wednesday. Steve developed an awful cold. Maddie awoke in the middle of Saturday night with a fever of 101 and Zach woke on Sunday morning with a low grade fever that rose during the day. He slept for most of the day Monday.
Our cabin was beautiful and the scenery was breathtaking.
My mom and sister drove down separately and ended up in Jellico, TN on Saturday night with a bad alternator. They came on Sunday just in time to say goodbye to my brother and his friend who had driven up from Atlanta for the weekend. It was good to see them and we were sorry they had to leave so soon. On Tuesday, we experienced the challenge of finding a doctor to see Maddie, who had developed severe ear pain on Monday night. Apparently, there is only one MD in all of Pigeon Forge, and he is a sweet old man who went there to "retire" 17 years earlier. The town obviously needs him. He told us how he waited in line for a tattoo while in the Marines, but the wait was too long so he gave up. He was going to put "Louise," his high school sweet heart on his arm, but ended up marrying Margaret! Anyway, we now had antibiotics for Maddie's ear infection and I achieved a milestone on Wednesday -- I did not have to take anyone's temperature the entire day! We were definately on the road to recovery!
Despite all the illnesses, we had fun. We drove through Cade's Cove in the Smoky Mountains (too worn out to do any hiking...), went horseback riding, swam in the pool in the basement of our cabin, relaxed in the hot tub on the deck, went to Dixieland Stampede, and generally enjoyed the time away.
Zach was having a great time with all these new adventures. He loves swimming and looked so proud on his horse, Sugar. But, sorry to say for my mom and sister who are big outdoors people -- Zach didn't seem too impressed with the scenery.... But, he was impressed with the trucks and other machinery that we passed or saw on the mountain roads. He is all boy!
The kids were all pretty good travelers. We had movies for them to watch which is certainly a life saver. My, have times changed from when I was a kid traveling by car across the country with only books to occupy my time!
Otherwise, in the transition and adjustment department, Zach is testing his boundaries quite a bit now. This is good. It is something all children will do, no matter whether they are adopted or biological. They need to know how far they can push the envelope if they don't want to obey. So, as we experience this, we understand that it is part of his learning how to respond to these new experiences of having parents, siblings and expectations that come along with family life. It is admittedly hard to impose consequences to misbehaviors when we are not sure he understands either what he has done wrong, or what is the outcome of that choice to disobey. But, this is coming along, too. The language is blossoming and the understanding of what is expected is getting there, too. He is a sweet boy. Most of the time, when he is disciplined, he will apologize again for it the next day. This tells me that he is thinking about what happened and continuing to process it. All of this is good.
Another milestone we have reached: Our 6 month homestudy was completed last night! Wow, time is flying by...
Zach and his classmates when he was "star of the week."
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Updates on fun stuff (and medical, too)
Katie and Simone
Zach and Dad all dressed up for church (Zach loved it!)
A lot has happened lately! We have had a lot of fun, including a trip to the Wisconsin Dells to meet up with some adoption friends. Our wonderful friends, Dan and Nicole, brought home their daughter Simone at the same time we brought home Katie. They were buddies during our adoption trip and they are still buddies now. They are adorable together. Unfortunately, this trip also included a bout with asthma by Katie, which required a 10:00 p.m. trip to a wonderful Walgreens who kept the store open 10 minutes for Steve to buy a new nebulizer. Yes, Katie's nebulizer chose this moment to stop working! Katie was generally under the weather on Saturday, but we still managed to have fun.
We also met up with the family of Zach's friend Nina, who came to our hotel for dinner on Saturday. All of our girls had a great time with their friends, and Zach looked forward to his time with Nina, constantly asking from the time he awoke on Saturday if Nina was coming now?
As for swimming at the Great Wolf Lodge, let's just say it was a hit! Zach stayed in the water as long as possible, went down the mat races with his sisters, swam round and round in the lazy river, was flipped over on his tube in the wave pool, etc.
So here is a challenge question for you all:
-- if you didn't know the word for "flip-flops" (you know, those plastic shoes you wear in the summer -- some call them thongs), what would you choose to call them if you wanted to talk about them?
How about -- Swimming Pool Slippers? Sounds good to me! Zach really wanted some, as we prepared for our trip, and this is what he decided made the most sense to get this point across... (I have to admit I love it!)
Then, after the fun weekend, Zach had a "few" medical appointments! He started with a pediatric opthamologist. The result of this visit is a surgery scheduled on April 10 to detach and reattach his eye muscles. He has strabismus (crossing of the eye) and alternating esotropia (which means he uses each eye at different times). With the strabismus, he sees double. So, his brain has compensated for this by shutting down the vision to one eye at a time. He has good vision in each eye because he continues to use both, just not together. The surgery will hopefully get his eyes pointed in the same direction. There is a 20-25% chance that they will over or under correct during the surgery and, if so, he will need another surgery.
Interesting note: Zach apparently had surgery on his eyes in China. He knows what is going on, and is very excited about it! I think he realizes that it will help him.
After this visit, he met with a neurologist. She said she does not like the term "cerebral palsy" as it is a "garbage term" that many things get dumped into. So, she is calling his condition hemiplegia, which is basically that one side is weak. This doesn't change the diagnosis, really, since this is still a condition caused by damage to the brain at some point before or just after birth. Zach will still meet with a specialist in March to discuss options for gaining mobility and flexibility in his muscles. He was fitted for a brace that day and has since started using it. Again, he is excited about this because he recognizes that it is helping him walk and run!
She has scheduled an MRI on March 26 to determine whether he had a stroke in the womb or trauma that caused the damage, and the extent of the damage. We are not worried about cognitive damage, since he is continuing to do well in school. He has had three spelling tests at school now and has scored 100% on each! Go Zach!
Finally, he had a major teeth cleaning. He had a great deal of plaque and bacteria built up under his gums that needed to be scraped away. His breath is much more pleasant these days!
Through it all, he has been a trooper. He knows we are helping him. He knows these steps are necessary. It is a huge benefit that he understands this, since this will keep him from resenting wearing the brace, which he will be wearing all day, every day as soon as he becomes used to wearing it.
That's our news! I will try to keep you all informed at a much greater pace!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Life with Zach can be funny!
Here are some pictures of life as we currently know it. Katie had her first piano recital (after vowing she wasn't going to play in a recital before she started having lessons). Sledding is great fun (obviously) as is playing outside in general. Zach also has taken on the task of being a teacher at times. He makes chopsticks look SO EASY! We just don't get it. Most of the time, he simply gets frustrated and hands us our fork.
Zach is fun. He is always exploring whatever there is around that can be explored. He wants to know how things work. Actually, he just simply wants to know.
At one point, just a few weeks after we came home, he must have wanted to know what would happen if he threw his slipper over the deck railing. Well, nothing happened. I kept wondering what happened to the other slipper, but couldn't get him to understand enough to tell me. Then, the other day, I ran across the single slipper again. I said, more to myself, "Boy, Zach, I sure would like to know what happened to that other slipper..." So, he promptly took me to the patio door and motioned over the railing. I asked if he threw it over, he said "Yeah." I may never know what was going through his head when he decided to do that. He may have thought there is an endless supply of slippers, since there seems to be no end to the appearance of things he needs. After all, we have so much here, is there really a shortage of slippers if I get rid of one? Since that slipper is now under a foot or so of snow, I will have to wait until spring to really discover what happened to it.
Other times, he just accepts things at face value and doesn't question them.
Like last Monday. The kids were going back to school after their break was over. Everyone was scurrying around since they were off their morning routine having two weeks off. I was making sure everyone was getting dressed. During the break, I had been trying to give Zach a little more control over his choice of clothing. He tends not to stay on task (there is always something to explore in his room), so it is easier to simply lay out the clothes rather than have him take time to choose. On Monday, when the kids were getting ready for school, I told Zach it was time to get dressed. I went in to help him choose and he picked out a dress shirt that I had bought. He had wanted to wear it for playing but I had told him it was for school/church. So, since he chose that, I picked out a pair of jeans and khakis. I put them both on his bed and told him he could wear one of these with the shirt and left to allow him to dress.
Like last Monday. The kids were going back to school after their break was over. Everyone was scurrying around since they were off their morning routine having two weeks off. I was making sure everyone was getting dressed. During the break, I had been trying to give Zach a little more control over his choice of clothing. He tends not to stay on task (there is always something to explore in his room), so it is easier to simply lay out the clothes rather than have him take time to choose. On Monday, when the kids were getting ready for school, I told Zach it was time to get dressed. I went in to help him choose and he picked out a dress shirt that I had bought. He had wanted to wear it for playing but I had told him it was for school/church. So, since he chose that, I picked out a pair of jeans and khakis. I put them both on his bed and told him he could wear one of these with the shirt and left to allow him to dress.
That night, when he put his pajamas on, I noticed that he had worn both! The jeans were over the khakis. Steve and I laughed, and Steve explained that you only wear one pair of pants. Zach complained and said "Mama!" It was not until then that I realized he thought I wanted him to wear both! This would not be unusual, since they layer their clothing in China. If you remember, when Zach came to us, he was wearing (in the beginning of Oct) his sweatpants and sweatshirt over his longjohn-style pajamas. Apparently the children coming home from China now are wearing 3 layers! It was what he used to do, so it made sense to him. The only thing I can say is, I feel badly for him when he had to use the bathroom! One zipper is hard enough to manage, but 2! Poor guy!
Then, there was the case of Steve's Disappearing Running Shoes...
Steve last saw them at the beginning of December. We searched the entire house, every logical hiding place. We knew Zach had a hand in this caper. We just couldn't get him to confess (or I guess I should say "understand"). He loves to tease Dad by wearing his shoes around the house. So, Steve finally admitted defeat in the solving of the case and gave in and bought another pair (and, for those that don't know, they are NOT cheap!). Every once in a while, we would ponder what could have happened to them.
Then came the thaw...
I was playing with Baylee one day last week. The weather had warmed up a lot and the snow was starting to melt. I walked down the deck stairs and there they were, one still half buried in the snow and the other lying upside down nearby. Mystery solved! Steve is attempting to get them dry enough to use (he likes these better in the cold). We are now realizing the importance of getting the point across that teasing Dad is ok. Just keep the shoes in the house!
Take care, everyone!
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Happy New Year
As I look at the date of my last post, I have to admit that I have been slacking in my duties. I do apologize about that!
We have had a wonderful December. We continue to be amazed by Zach's ability to accept his new reality with so much grace and patience. His Christmas was a joy. His teacher, Mrs Wu, had explained the idea of a wish list for presents so Zach told her that he wanted a new wagon. We have one that has been through about 11 years of use and has definately seen better days. He was so excited when he opened that Radio Flyer classic red wagon, he couldn't wait to get it together. He had a great time with his grandparents, aunts, uncle and cousins. He simply enjoyed the days of Christmas in a way that is hard to explain.
That night, he was also able to speak to Nina, who told him what Christmas is really about -- Jesus. We couldn't be more thankful to this little girl who was so excited about what she recently learned that she wanted to share it with a friend. What a lesson to those of us who have known Him for a long time. How excited are we to share what we know? That was truly our best gift this Christmas. It was the one piece of the difficulty with communication that we were sad about. We, ourselves, were unable to share our joy in knowing Christ as our Savior with our son. But Nina could. And she did. Praise God! Now we are simply praying that this new seed of knowledge will sprout and that Zach will ponder what he has learned.
We have also had more insight into our precious son, through what Nina has shared with her family. It is a blessing that this friend of Zach's has relatives that live 15 minutes from us! They were here for a short visit on Sunday and it was such a blessing! We truly enjoyed meeting Nina, her sisters and her parents. They are a wonderful family that we are thankful to know.
Anyway, Nina said that our little boy was "one of the nicest boys at the school." Sadly, though not surprisingly, he was teased at school for it. We saw a larger glimpse of this compassion when we had to take Katie to the doctor on Sunday for her asthma. We had started her on an oral steroid the day before and it simply wasn't doing anything for her. We were worried that she would need to go the the ER and the girls explained this to Zach. While we were gone, he cried and sat staring at her picture. Even Maddie couldn't cheer him up. When we returned with a fairly decent report (no pneumonia, at least), he wouldn't leave her side. Even with the sibling rivalry that rears its ugly head, there is love.
Of course, we have had our other moments of miscommunication and misunderstandings. Like the time when Zach had school on the Friday before Christmas break but his sisters, who attend a different school, did not. They attend a charter school with many Fridays off (and longer school days because of it). We had tried to prepare him for this event beforehand, but he awoke remembering that he had school and they didn't. He pouted and refused to do anything without some major prodding. I knew I could not give in and keep him home that day, or he would get the impression that this behavior works to get what he wants. With many more Fridays coming up where his sisters would be home, he needed to understand that there are days like this, and accept them.
So, I called his teacher to prepare her for the fact that Zach was sad and told her why. She understood the need to send him. She in turn prepared Mrs Wu. When I walked Zach in to school, Mrs Wu told him to dry his tears, and told me to go. Zach did just fine and was excited to tell me about his day when I picked him up.
Parenting an older adopted child, or any adopted child who is struggling with attachment, is a challenge. As parents, we need to determine which behaviors are related to attachment issues, and which are simply normal childhood behaviors designed to manipulate us. Just because we adopted an older child, does not make all problems that arise a manifestation of attachment disorder. Overall, we are so pleased with Zach's attachment to us. He seems to have bonded with all of us. He is excited when one of us returns home, and he gives us hugs when one of us leaves. It was because of this that I could be more comfortable sending him in that situation.
We must always remember that every child will handle this transition differently. There is not a "one size fits all" method of dealing with situations that arise. We just have to do the best we can with the knowledge we have of the situation and our child. We will make mistakes. We will achieve successes. All of it leads to the building of our families.
We wish you all a blessed 2008! May it bring many more children home to the families God intended for them from the beginning of time...
We have had a wonderful December. We continue to be amazed by Zach's ability to accept his new reality with so much grace and patience. His Christmas was a joy. His teacher, Mrs Wu, had explained the idea of a wish list for presents so Zach told her that he wanted a new wagon. We have one that has been through about 11 years of use and has definately seen better days. He was so excited when he opened that Radio Flyer classic red wagon, he couldn't wait to get it together. He had a great time with his grandparents, aunts, uncle and cousins. He simply enjoyed the days of Christmas in a way that is hard to explain.
That night, he was also able to speak to Nina, who told him what Christmas is really about -- Jesus. We couldn't be more thankful to this little girl who was so excited about what she recently learned that she wanted to share it with a friend. What a lesson to those of us who have known Him for a long time. How excited are we to share what we know? That was truly our best gift this Christmas. It was the one piece of the difficulty with communication that we were sad about. We, ourselves, were unable to share our joy in knowing Christ as our Savior with our son. But Nina could. And she did. Praise God! Now we are simply praying that this new seed of knowledge will sprout and that Zach will ponder what he has learned.
We have also had more insight into our precious son, through what Nina has shared with her family. It is a blessing that this friend of Zach's has relatives that live 15 minutes from us! They were here for a short visit on Sunday and it was such a blessing! We truly enjoyed meeting Nina, her sisters and her parents. They are a wonderful family that we are thankful to know.
Anyway, Nina said that our little boy was "one of the nicest boys at the school." Sadly, though not surprisingly, he was teased at school for it. We saw a larger glimpse of this compassion when we had to take Katie to the doctor on Sunday for her asthma. We had started her on an oral steroid the day before and it simply wasn't doing anything for her. We were worried that she would need to go the the ER and the girls explained this to Zach. While we were gone, he cried and sat staring at her picture. Even Maddie couldn't cheer him up. When we returned with a fairly decent report (no pneumonia, at least), he wouldn't leave her side. Even with the sibling rivalry that rears its ugly head, there is love.
Of course, we have had our other moments of miscommunication and misunderstandings. Like the time when Zach had school on the Friday before Christmas break but his sisters, who attend a different school, did not. They attend a charter school with many Fridays off (and longer school days because of it). We had tried to prepare him for this event beforehand, but he awoke remembering that he had school and they didn't. He pouted and refused to do anything without some major prodding. I knew I could not give in and keep him home that day, or he would get the impression that this behavior works to get what he wants. With many more Fridays coming up where his sisters would be home, he needed to understand that there are days like this, and accept them.
So, I called his teacher to prepare her for the fact that Zach was sad and told her why. She understood the need to send him. She in turn prepared Mrs Wu. When I walked Zach in to school, Mrs Wu told him to dry his tears, and told me to go. Zach did just fine and was excited to tell me about his day when I picked him up.
Parenting an older adopted child, or any adopted child who is struggling with attachment, is a challenge. As parents, we need to determine which behaviors are related to attachment issues, and which are simply normal childhood behaviors designed to manipulate us. Just because we adopted an older child, does not make all problems that arise a manifestation of attachment disorder. Overall, we are so pleased with Zach's attachment to us. He seems to have bonded with all of us. He is excited when one of us returns home, and he gives us hugs when one of us leaves. It was because of this that I could be more comfortable sending him in that situation.
We must always remember that every child will handle this transition differently. There is not a "one size fits all" method of dealing with situations that arise. We just have to do the best we can with the knowledge we have of the situation and our child. We will make mistakes. We will achieve successes. All of it leads to the building of our families.
We wish you all a blessed 2008! May it bring many more children home to the families God intended for them from the beginning of time...
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