Wow, has it really been two years??!!!

Well, I can't imagine anyone is following this blog anymore, but I decided that, just in case someone still is, I should tell you how it is going.

We had our homecoming with Zach 2 years ago, on October 24, 2007. I simply can't believe the time has gone so quickly. Zach's transition has not been without its struggles, but I have to say that it has gone so much better than we ever hoped or dreamed it would.

To recap, he was in an orphanage for the first 4 1/2 years of his life. This was followed by 2 years in a less-than-ideal foster home and 1 1/2 years at a boarding school for 600-800 other orphans. The more we learn about the boarding school, the less we like what we are learning.

On paper, Zach should have had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). He was a prime candidate for it, having spent so much time at the beginning of his life in the orphanage. Not to mention that the boarding school was just another glorified orphanage. Sure, he was in a foster home, but it was not a good situation. We had very little to go on when we recognized that God was calling us to this precious little boy. His referral information came with 1 1/2 pages of mostly dry information, giving us little to use in making a decision. And, actually, as we found out later, it was somewhat fabricated, as well. But, that didn't deter us. We knew what the experts said about out-of-birth-order adoptions. We knew that most people would not adopt an older boy, especially when they had a younger girl at home. But, we also knew this is what God wanted for us and we chose to walk through the door God left open.

God had made it perfectly clear He wanted us to bring home this particular child, in a way that He hadn't done with the other children we were interested in adopting. In Zach's case we asked questions we didn't expect China to answer; we expected answers that would lead us away from him; we had people telling us not to consider him because he was already set in his culture, etc, etc. God took all these concerns and said they didn't matter. China answered us, with answers that brought us to Zach, rather than farther away; our concerns for an older child or out of birth order adoption were dismantled by godly counsel from godly friends; and, most importantly, God opened the door wide to bring him home.

With the other children we chose, God either closed the door by not allowing us to be matched with them, or He took it out of our ability to even request that we be considered to be their parent. One little boy in particular, was recently brought up by an aquaintance of mine accusatorily as proof that Steve and I were not willing to accept adopting a child with RAD. However, in this case, the phone call from our social worker telling us about their findings on his abuse was the same phone call that told us they were no longer the placing agency. They had moved responsibility for his placement to another agency better able to handle his situation. Our paperwork was with Bethany. God took it out of our ability to choose him. Choosing not to go out of your way to pursue adopting a particular child is not the same as saying "no" to adopting that child. As a matter of fact, we never had the opportunity to say "YES!" We simply didn't go out of our way to pursue him at extra expense and added paperwork. We were following God in each stage of our adoption. When He closed doors, we honored that. When He left them open, we obediently walked through. Again, on paper, Zach should have had RAD, yet we answered a joyful "YES" when God asked us to parent him.

I don't share all that to prove that we are better than anyone else. I simply don't want anyone to feel that I am championing the adoption of children we would not be willing to parent ourselves. Steve and I have always been willing to step out in faith and parent the children God chose for us, whomever that was or is yet to be. This is a calling for EVERYONE! If God is calling you to parent a child through adoption, you MUST say "yes." If you don't, quite simply, you are out of His will and walking in fear of His calling.

Despite all of this potential for major difficulties when he arrived home, he has shown no signs of RAD, and has adjusted beautifully. I don't know why God, in His wisdom, chose to keep us and Zach from dealing with RAD. I don't know why others who have adopted (and even those who have not!) have had to struggle, painfully, with this condition. That's not for me to understand. All I know is that, when you are faithful to God's calling He will be there with you in that calling. He will provide what you need to get through it. He will lead you to the help you need. He will provide the support and means to handle whatever comes with that calling. The calling to adopt is not one to shy away from, and not one of which we need to be fearful. The children are too precious for us to be afraid to give them the love they deserve.

Not everyone will experience such a relatively easy transition. By no means! But, just as there are no guarantees it will be easy, there are also no guarantees it will be difficult. Most adoptions fall somewhere in between. And, I should add -- MOST PARENTING EXPERIENCES, WHETHER ADOPTED OR BIOLOGICAL, will be somewhere in between the easy and the extremely difficult. There are no guarantees in parenting. Period.

The difficulties we are currently having with Zach stem from schooling. During his 8 years in China, where they assumed his cerebral palsy affected him cognitively, he was told over and over that he wasn't able to do things. We are still trying to work out what is truly difficult for him, and what is simply a believed difficulty for him. They are drastically different. I am not sure when we will have answers. Maybe not for years. But we will continue to work with him and his teachers to discover the truth.

His personality is so sweet. He is compassionate. He is helpful. We recently had one of his AWANA leaders share that Zach has come such a long way, spiritually, in the 2 years he has been here. This man had tears in his eyes as he shared that when they asked for someone to pray for the kids that were out sick, Zach volunteered and offered a prayer that was "like his mother" who has been a Christian her entire life. This is the most important part of parenting Zach. Whether we get answers on his academic abilities or not, we desire to raise a godly boy into a godly man. One whose character shines wherever he goes.

I think we are on the right track.